Lately, I’ve been reading different articles on how bottled water isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Researchers have now examined the plastic that holds the water and they’ve found that some chemicals, which certain types of plastic contain, such as pthalates (found in many toys and other soft plastic goods made of PVC plastic) and bisphenol A (organic compound known as BPA), may seep into the water. These toxins can disrupt the endocrine system, messing with your hormonal balance. This can cause fatigue and even weight gain — defeating the purpose of your workout, etc. When these bottles are exposed to the heat (sitting on your porch after a delivery on a hot summer day) the chemicals release into the water that much faster. And all this time I thought bottled water was the bomb. Guess I was wrong.

Today was the clincher. Thanks to Poland Springs, I’ll be switching over to a water filtration system as soon as possible. Besides the fact that the delivery guy forgets to pick up and deliver water from time to time and the endless 1-800 calls back and forth to the company…putting me on hold for minutes, hours, days at a time. When the hot water heater stopped working about a month ago, I procrastinated in making that dreaded call to the company. Friday I finally conceded, made the call and left my cooler outside to be switched for a new one. When I arrived home, I opened the cardboard box only to find a completely different kind of cooler. That would have been cool, but the orange juice stains on the top and the filthy innards of the cooler were not so cool. Very uncool, as a matter of fact.

I was given a completely used, UNCLEANED water cooler. Even worse, the inside metal container where the water goes in was freezing cold and had condensation around the perimeter…as if this cooler may have been running in another home only minutes before. The company explained to me that they recycle their coolers when they break, instead of replacing them with brand new ones. They fix them, fumigate them and send them back out. Now, I’m all for recycling, and I love when my coffee cups say ‘recycled paper’ but that doesn’t mean I would drink from a dirty coffee cup. What are the odds that other Poland Springs customers have been given back unsanitized coolers as well? Tomorrow the cooler and three unopened water bottles will be sitting on my porch. Only this time they’re going back for good. Goodbye, Poland Springs. Hello, water filter system.

I dare the Coen brothers to make a movie that I don’t like. Their latest, “Burn After Reading” couldn’t be more directly opposite than last year’s Oscar-sweeper, “No Country For Old Men”. Apparently (and amazingly), they were working on this script while writing “No Country” – alternating days on each. Like “Raising Arizona” and “Fargo”, they once again carry out the theme of the ordinary Joe trying to pull off the extraordinary heist — one that perhaps in an alternate reality, could change their little lives. They also casted the usual suspects: Frances McDormand, George Clooney, Richard Jenkins and J.K. Simmons with newcomers Brad Pitt and John Malkovich as perfect additions (if not stand-outs).

The story goes as such: A disk containing the memoirs of an ousted-CIA agent (Malkovich) ends up in the hands of two screwy gym employees (McDormand and Pitt) who believe it contains top-secret intelligence. What follows are their attempts to sell it and the disastrous results of their large pipedreams and small brains. I laughed the whole way through. They poke fun at everything from Internet dating to the paranoia of political espionage. And in between, everyone’s sleeping with everyone…especially George Clooney. “Burn” has all the makings of the Coens: Amusing and macabre with the dark side of human nature lurking just beneath.

Apparently, this is their first film without cinematographer, Roger Deakins. I’m not sure I would have known the difference, as the writing and acting were the main attractions for me. What made it especially hilarious was the willingness of all these A-list actors to adapt into roles that made them look like total buffoons. Kudos to Brad Pitt! I didn’t know he was so funny. Long story short: It’s a bright flick about dim-wits. Don’t miss it!

As a few friends and I shared a 40-something birthday, we thought it would be perfectly apropos to go see Sex And The City—the movie, that is. Skipping the trailers and dashing for seats during the first five minutes, we might have missed Carrie Bradshaw in her signature shoe store, Manolo Blahnik, but we didn’t miss the signature cocktails. We came prepared with Cosmopolitans in a beach bag, veggies and dip. It got a bit loud pouring the cocktails into paper cups, and when the spinach dip fell on the floor I was wondering how marinated my sandals would be by the end of the flick…a very memorable night that ended with more drinks and appetizers—four friends in their own Sex And The City drama.

I didn’t always have the patience for the TV show, but the movie was surprisingly okay. Besides the usual Carrie costumes that only Sarah Jessica call pull off (and sometimes not) the four friends displayed some quality acting. If you haven’t seen the movie and plan on it—stop reading right here. I’m about to give it away…

When Big leaves her at the altar (or nearby) in the movie, I wasn’t expecting to see a bed-ridden, circles-under-the-eyes Bradshaw, but this side of Carrie is one I can believe in. The designer “bag” dresses, the poodle skirts, the crazy hats, the vintage gloves, the Blah-Blah Blahniks are all great, but Bradshaw’s serious side is more flattering than the outfits.

I won’t go into more details … go see it and judge for yourself. The best part is they’ve all aged gracefully without appearing to have dived too deep into Botox or Restalyne (and whatever else is plumping out there.) So, when people say I resemble Sarah Jessica Parker, I smile and thank them. And like Carrie, I, too, get by with a little help from my friends…

—Joanne Schenker, canvas Arts & Letters columnist

By Joanne Schenker

Right in the middle of Woodbury’s little village, where the firehouse was recently renovated and the roads were re-paved and traffic was up the wazoo, is a beautiful bit of Nirvana. Yoga Oasis is a spiritual retreat that gives your body and soul everything it needs less the stress, daily “to-do” lists, and everyday worries of the world. Check it all at the door and strip down to the bare essentials because in this 110-degree room, you’re gonna sweat—for 90 solid minutes. But don’t worry, you’re not alone—you’ll be going through it with about 25 other people, who in no time will become your yogi friends. It’s Bikram Yoga, and it’s amazing, addictive, and life altering. Its benefits on the body are incredible—both inside and out.

Owner Mary Grace is a certified Bikram/Ashtanga instructor who will expertly guide you through the 26 postures with enlightening words of wisdom and gratitude. You’ll probably work harder than you ever have at any gym, but you won’t sweat in vain. Eventually you’ll become leaner, limber, and lighter in your mind (especially when the endomorphins kick in around 3 p.m.). The other instructors are excellent as well—if you’re lucky maybe you’ll catch James Onnikian teaching COGA (calisthenics/yoga), a high performance boot camp taught by this Golden Glove kickboxing champion. Don’t let the headstands and handstands intimate you. With time, you’ll be doing them, too.

In preparation for class, you’ll need a large towel (or two), a washcloth and a yoga mat. Don’t forget to bring at least two large bottles of water so you stay hydrated. The studio rents mats and sells water and other hydrating treats if you happen to forget yours. Dress as light as possible and drink lots of water before class, as well. Try to skip the caffeine before your practice, as it is dehydrating.

After the first class, you may feel tired. Very tired. That’s normal and part of the detoxing process. It may take a few classes, but you will eventually feel incredibly energized, and any aches and pains you might have had will probably melt away. It’s a moving meditation that will stretch your muscles, increase your range of motion, improve your circulation, and strengthen your core. Yoga Oasis offers a multitude of classes in Bikram, Ashtanga, and COGA. Teacher training, massages, and workshops are available as well. To get more information, please visit the website at www.yoga-oasis.com. For more information on the benefits of Bikram yoga, check out: www.bikramyoga.com.

Come share some sweat. You’ll be amazed at what your body can do. And your soul will thank you. Namaste.

By Joanne Schenker

This month LI Sound featured an article on The Paper Bag, the famous nocturnal musicfest that goes on every June at Mulcahy’s for the last 30 years. Basically, 60 musicians perform unrehearsed music (classics from the ‘70’s and onwards) for six solid hours to 1,400 die-hard fans. After three decades, the concert sells itself – there is no advertising budget…only around 300 people in the band and crew and their friends, plus friends of theirs “and so on and so on”…(I’ll date myself right now by asking if this reminds you of the Faberge commercial from the ‘70’s?) Much of the audience has been attending for 10 years, many over 20. They add as much to the concert in zealous participation, as the performers themselves. Profits are not part of this gig…the payback is purely in the form of wild enjoyment. As long as they can cover the cost of renting the hall, providing beer and hamburgers for the musicians and crew and videotaping the event, they’re all happy campers.

Kudos to Mike Guido, the creator of this little bit of Woodstock. With over 30 years experience as a professional musician, he has performed in rock bands, swing bands, jazz, reggae, even basement bands…you name it, he’s done it. For the past 26 years, he has played bass guitar, woodwinds and sings with The Jim Small Band. He also plays saxophone with the Stanton Anderson Band and has been the bassist with the Town of Babylon All Star Jazz Band for 14 years. He has taught music for over 30 years, 15 of them in Long Island’s public schools. He is currently teaching Concert Band, Jazz Band and Music Workshop classes at Island Trees Memorial Middle School in Levittown.

So, music is definitely his bag.

He’s got a great sense of humor, as well. Last year’s theme for the concert was The Dirt Bag…one can only imagine …mudsliding as in the days of Woodstock, perhaps? This year The Sleeping Bag rules. Although from 10 pm to 4 am on June 26th, Mulcahy’s will not see any shut eyes. Red eyes, yes. Sore throats, yes. But no sleepers.